How To Annoy Cirque Du Freak Characters
by Blood Rose Vampiress
Summary: A series of lists on how to annoy the characters of Cirque Du Freak.
1. Darren Shan

Here are 20 ways to annoy Darren Shan, the famous half-vampire prince! Keep in mind however, that Darren may not like you annoying him. He may try to hurt you or worse. I do not take responsibility for anything that happens to you if you try these things.

1. Keep reminding him of the time Mr. Crepsley died

2. Ask him if he's a prince, where's his crown?

3. Tell everyone he's Lord of a Shadows

4. Blame him for Mr. Crepsley's death

5. Tell him Debbie's going out with Vancha

6. Mistake him for Steve

7. Follow him around and every time he sees you burst into tears and ask why he's following you

8. Tell him Harkat's better looking than he is

9. Give him flowers then bat your eyelashes and say they're from Steve

10. Tell him he'd look so much better if he just dyed his hair green

11. Have a party for him and invite all the vampaneze you can find

12. Lock him and Steve in a room together

13. Tell them you won't let them out until they kiss and make up

14. Paint a scar on your face and pretend to be Mr. Crepsley

15. Tell him the vampires would have been much better off if he hadn't spoiled Kurda's plan

16. Tell him you stole a poisonous spider from a vampire and it bit your best friend

17. Give him a miniature stake

18. Paint a picture of Steve and give it to him

19. Whenever he says something reply: "but Steve said…."

20. Tell him something went on when he tried to re-blood Darius and now he's half-vampaneze


	2. Steve Leonard

**A/N:** Here's Steve! I had a little bit of trouble making these, and don't think they came out as good as the Darren ones did, but oh well. Who should I do next?

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Here are 15 ways to annoy Steve Leonard, the Lord of the Vampaneze, one of the candidates for Lord of the Shadows, and the main evil-doer in the Cirque Du Freak series. Remember though, Steve may not like you to annoy him. He may not like it at all, and he may get very, very nasty if you try any of these things. Don't say I didn't warn you.

1. Constantly remind him of the time Darren "betrayed" him.

2. Convince Darius Steve isn't really his father so he forgets about him and the vampaneze and Steve can't use him against Darren anymore.

3. Tell him there was a mistake and he isn't the Vampaneze Lord after all

4. Hug him and say "that was from Darren."

5. "Accidentally" spill pink paint all over him.

6. Make him dinner and when he's eating say "Oops… I meant to use the manure for the garden, but it looks like I mixed it into the lasagna by mistake…."

7. Whenever he gets near you, start screaming about how evil he is.

8. Tell all Mr. Crepsley fangirls where he lives.

9. Spray all his clothes with perfume.

10. Have Mr. Tiny tell him his destiny is for the vampires to win the war, but instead of dying he will become Darren's slave.

11. Tell everyone he and Darren are engaged. (Note: if Darren finds out this may also annoy him).

12. Force him to read my Darren/Steve, Gannen/Steve, and Vancha/Steve fanfics!

13. Follow him around saying "I know what _you're_ doing tonight!" With a really freaky smile.

14. Give him chocolates with vampire blood in them.

15. Take all of his followers on a VERY long vacation and tell him they've deserted him.


	3. Larten Crepsley

**A/N:** So, here's Mr. Crepsley!I had a pretty hard time doing these, so I doubt they're as good as Darren and Steve. Oh well. Vancha's next!

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**1.** Mock the way he speaks

**2.** Dye all his red clothes pink

**3.** Tell him you and Arra are mating

**4.** Tell him you accidently squashed Madam Octa

**5.** Force Steve to propose to him (Note: This may annoy/anger Steve as well and may and up getting you killed or having vampaneze try to hunt you down….)

**6.** Tell him that you know he decided not to become a prince because he didn't think he could handle it

**7. **Put glitter in Mika's hair and blame it on Mr. Crepsley (Note: This may also annoy Mika)

**8.** Tell him you want to become his assistant because you know he's a pushover

**9.** Make him dinner and when he eats it say "oops… I meant to give you the steak, not the crushed cockroaches for Madam Octa…."

**10.** Tell him there are 20 vampaneze behind him

**11.** When he turns around start laughing hysterically, then point the other way and say "there they are!"

**12.** When he refuses to look have the vampaneze you invited over say hello

**13.** Remind him how he got his scar

**14.** Dye your hair orange and waltz around in a pink tutu and tell everyone you're him

**15.** Set him up on a blind date with Steve


	4. Mika Ver Leth

**A/N:** 4th How to Annoy Cirque Du Freak characters list. This time it's for Mika Ver Leth. Enjoy!

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Mika Ver Leth, Vampire Prince and first on the list to say "no" whenever you ask him if you can do something. Wouldn't you like to annoy him sometimes? Just for a second? Get back at him for all the "nos" he's given you when you asked if you could sit on his throne "just for a third of a second?"? I don't think I'm the only one. But never fear, this list is here …That didn't sound corny, did it? No, of course not, we all know I can never sound corny… especially when LISTING WAYS TO ANNOY MIKA VER LETH! And so, without further ado, here they are. (Remember, you chose to do any of the things on this list out of your own free will, and therefore I will not, in any way, be responsible.)

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1. Steal as many spiders as you can from Seba and make sure they're neatly and carefully placed in Mika's I'm-so-goth hair.

2. If Seba finds out the spiders are missing (and he will, because even though he's a centuries old bat, he's still pretty sharp… sometimes) tell him they're Mika's new favorite thing, and he would like some more for a birthday present.

3. Mix some glitter glue (pink or rainbow would be best) into his shampoo

4. When he asks why his hair is this color, tell him pink or rainbow hair is the newest style and he looks very fashionable now!

5. In a room full of generals happily (and very loudly) announce Kurda's pregnant and he's the father. (Note: This may also annoy Kurda.)

6. Call him emo

7. Give him a flamingo

8. Tell him Mr. Tiny's mad at him

9. Let him freak out for a while, then sneak up behind him and yell "hello!" in the best Mr. Tiny voice you can.

10. When all the generals are in the Hall of Princes, make the whole room go dark and put a pink spotlight on him, dump glitter on his head, and proceed to play "I'm a Barbie Girl".

11. Tell everyone he said it was "Hug Mika Ver Leth" day.

12. Tell him the other princes decided to join with the vampaneze and they're kicking him out and making Steve Leonard a prince in his place.

13. Tell him there are spiders all over his back

14. While he goes crazy trying to get them off, dump a bucket of extra-large spiders over his head

15. Give him a birthday party and have Lady Gaga sing at it

16. Tickle him

17. Grab his butt and say "Kurda did it!" (Note: This may also annoy Kurda)

18. Tell him he really should stop cutting his hair with a lawn mower

19. When he's taking a shower hide all his black clothing and towels and leave only pink clothing

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**A/N:** Please tell me what ya think!


	5. Kurda Smahlt

**A/N:** Oh. My. God. It's been so long since I've updated anything. I'm sooooo sorry! From now on I'm going to try to get at least two updates for things done a week. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the newest chapter!

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_**How to Annoy Kurda Smahlt**_

Kurda Smahlt... who wouldn't want to annoy him? Not to mention being a *cough*traitor*cough* he's also just too fun to annoy! So, with this full-proof guide you're sure to do some damage! Just remember, I take no responsibility for your actions. (That means if you end up in a puddle of blood it's not my fault.) Good luck! (:

1. Tell him he's rather big for a woman.

2. Replace his shampoo with black dye.

3. When he sees his new appearance tell him you were only trying to make him as sexy as Mika.

4. Give him a very large bottle of lotion and tell him (loudly in front of everyone) you hope his hives get better soon.

5. When he's in a bad mood, whisper loudly that it's "that time of month" for him.

6. Invite him to a party and insist on helping him get dressed. Then bring out a dress for him.

7. Tell him you named your cramps (if you're a girl) after him. When he asks why, tell him because you feel the same pain when you look at his face.

8. Bring him the classified section of the paper with the "looking for" section circled. Tell him this is his only hope if the wants to find a girlfriend/boyfriend.

9. Take blond hair from a hairbrush and put it on his head. Get him to run his fingers through his hair, and when he notices, tell him you knew he was going bald.

10. When he's outside taking a bath, steal his clothes and towel.

11. Steal a pair of Arra's panties; get him drunk, and when he passes out put him on a table with the panties on top of him. (Note: This may also annoy Arra.)

12. Tell him when he just woke up he had an appointment with Mika two hours ago. Watch and laugh as he frantically gets dressed.

13. Glue his maps (with super glue) all over Mika's walls. (Note: This may also annoy Mika. And possibly make Kurda very black and blue.)


	6. Vancha March

**A/N:** Wow, I haven't visited the Cirque Du Freak fandom for some time... I need to read the books again. Anyway, enjoy my chapter on Vancha!

_**How to Annoy Vancha March**_

"Will someone get this guy a bath?" Yeah, yeah, I know. Well maybe you can trick him into taking one! Here are 15 ways to annoy Vampire Prince Vancha March, also known as the skunk's regular playmate. Remember, I am not responsible for anything that happeneds to you if you choose to do any of these things! Best of luck!

1. Tell him the ground suddenly became highly poisonous and anyone who sleeps on it will die.

2. Also tell him all coffins have suddenly disappeared.

3. If he still manages to find somewhere else to sleep besides a bed, tell him beds are the only safe place he won't be eaten by 100 foot tall immortal lions.

4. Insist all girls like good smelling guys. (Pretty much the truth.)

5. When he's sleeping, clean him up the best you can and put pink bows in his hair.

6. Set him up on a blind date. Have his date be a walrus.

7. Tell him it's now illegal not to take a shower/bath at least once every two days.

8. Give him a chandelier for his birthday.

9. Tell him his brother got all the good genes.

10. Invite him to a country club.

11. Invite him to a wedding.

12. Invite him to your Grandma's Thanksgiving dinner.

13. Cut his toenails.

14. Tell him you found out that a vampaneze that turns into a vampire and vice versa only stay that way for a little while and he'll eventually turn back.

15. Make him babysit a coconut.


	7. Gannen Harst

_**How to Annoy Gannen Harst**_

I am not responsible for anything that may happen to you if you try any of these things. If you do, always pray to the God of kittens.

1. Call him Steve's mommy ('cause everyone knows he is).

2. Look pointedly at his skin and tell him purple isn't his color.

3. Make Steve demand a unicorn.

4. Make him jump on a trampoline.

5. Ask him constantly if he painted his skin and is wearing contacts.

6. Tell him Darren, Vancha, or Larten (or two or all) have Steve trapped.

7. Put up babysitting ads with his name on them.

8. Compare him to R.V.

9. Paint all his shoes pink with lightning bolts.

10. Tell him Steve and Vancha killed each other.

11. Tell him R.V. took his place as Steve's main protector.

12. Have three buckets of sparkles fall on him, and tell him vampaneze should sparkle because they're not the true creatures of the night.

13. Make Steve order him to sit through 8 hours of _Barney_.

14. Put his hair in miniature pigtails.

15. Order 1272 pizzas and blame it on Steve.

16. Force him to get a manicure and pedicure.

17. Fill his coffin with coffee.

18. Give him a pamphlet on domestic abuse. (Steve)


End file.
